Lessons from a Relationship Coach After 25 Years

In the realm of relationship coaching, there are essential principles that, if adhered to, can significantly contribute to the longevity and health of a partnership. Reflecting on my 25 years of experience, here are five practices I would never neglect:

1. Stop Distracting Yourself to Death

In the age of technology, constant distraction poses a threat to intimate relationships. The sunlight of attention and love is crucial for relationship growth. Distractions like Netflix, social media, and endless hobbies act as clouds, hindering the necessary attention.

Instead: Allocate a specific time each night to turn off distractions and engage in activities that nurture the relationship, such as taking a walk, playing a game, or simply having meaningful conversations.

2. Quit Comparing Your Relationship to Others

Comparing relationships to external standards is inaccurate and potentially harmful. Every couple is unique, and complexities exist beyond what friends or family perceive.

Instead: Focus on comparing the current state of your relationship with its past. Track progress, set growth goals, and acknowledge the shared journey, reinforcing a partnership built on mutual support and understanding.

3. Stop Ignoring Previously Diagnosed Health and Mental Health Conditions

Addressing health and mental health conditions is integral to relationship well-being. Ignoring diagnoses like anxiety, depression, or other health issues can significantly impact a partnership.

Instead: Seek professional help and adhere to advice. Ensure individuals can effectively lead their mental health, thereby positively influencing relational health.

4. Stop Using Your Old Fight or Flight Approaches to Arguing

Traditional fight or flight patterns in arguments are often ineffective. Couples need to replace these patterns with healthier conflict resolution strategies.

Instead: Consider the legacy you want to leave for your children in terms of conflict resolution. Actively engage in activities that promote productive problem-solving, and invest in learning alternative approaches to arguing that prioritize open communication and understanding.

5. Stop Going to Bed Separately

Prioritize shared bedtime as a couple, recognizing the importance of spending time together even in moments of rest. While work schedules or individual preferences may vary, making an effort to be together at bedtime fosters connection.

Instead: Establish loving bedtime rituals that contribute to a sense of closeness and emotional connection. Avoiding separate sleeping arrangements minimizes the potential for feelings of loneliness, boredom, or resentment to emerge.