How to Not React to Another Person’s Disapproval

In times of stress, such as during the COVID-19 pandemic and protests, people may react defensively when their identity feels threatened. Understanding and managing these reactions is crucial for healthier interactions. Here are four steps to help you navigate and respond effectively when faced with another person's disapproval:

1. Recognize Your Emotions (A Hit on Your Identity)

Emotions are signals that something needs attention. Identify signs of feeling threatened on an identity level, such as elevated negative emotions (fear, anger), decreased understanding, and diminishing trust. Emotional reactions often indicate that your sense of being lovable, capable, belonging, or safe is under stress.

2. Explore Your Identity Issues (STARVED Issues)

Rather than reacting impulsively, proactively explore your own insecurities that are triggered by others. Reflect on historical experiences related to feeling lovable, capable, belonging, or safe. Consider if certain issues impact you more negatively than others. For instance, if being called "selfish" triggers a strong reaction, explore your history with this label.

3. Attend to Your Identity Issue

Take proactive steps to address and deal with your identity issues. Avoiding or hiding these issues can hinder personal growth. Consider if what others are saying is true, and assess if you have a historical identity issue that needs attention. Determine the warrant of your reaction and work towards understanding and resolving your identity vulnerabilities.

4. Lift Your Response to Your Ideal Identity

Rather than succumbing to fear or manipulation, aim to live up to your highest ideals and values. Reconnect with the person you truly want to be and ask yourself what action aligns with your highest sense of integrity. This could involve wearing a mask for others, sharing your feelings about social issues, questioning personal biases, or making amends for past mistakes.

By understanding your emotional responses, exploring underlying identity issues, actively addressing them, and aligning your actions with your ideal self, you can navigate disapproval more effectively. This approach promotes personal growth, resilience, and constructive engagement with others.