5 Rules to Improve Your In-Law Relationships

Are some of your in-laws feeling more like outlaws? After years of working with families and couples on communication problems, it's clear that in-law relationships can be a significant source of tension, damaging self-esteem and trust. Whether the issues involve your spouse's family or your siblings-in-law, addressing these problems is crucial. Here are five rules to follow when working on those challenging in-law relationships:

1. Lead With Healthy, Not Just History

Many of us may have grown up in unhealthy family systems, and not everyone knows what a healthy relationship looks like. Marriage provides an opportunity to smooth out the wrinkles we acquired in our upbringing. Focus on fostering a healthy relationship characterized by positivity, openness, communication, abundance, forgiveness, and warmth. Recognize signs of unhealthy patterns and work towards making the relationship healthier.

2. Get "IN" and Lose the "Law"

View your in-laws as genuine members of your family, not just a legal obligation. Treat them with the same benefits, privileges, and gifts as you would your own children. Steer clear of getting involved in your children's relationships, as it can introduce unnecessary complications. Feeling unaccepted or in competition can strain relationships, so strive to build connections based on love rather than legal ties.

3. Improve Today by Looking Ahead

Discuss and envision how you want your children's spouses to relate to you. Consider the ideal state of these relationships and compare it to the current reality. Reflect on the long-term impact of the divisive family dynamics you might be modeling. Determine what values you want to pass on to future generations regarding in-law relationships.

4. Empower The Common Denominator

Recognize the importance of the "common denominator" in in-law issues, often the pivot person who needs to set boundaries between family members. This person, usually the spouse, plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy balance. Problems often arise when the common denominator is weak or wishy-washy. Loyalty to the spouse over other family members is crucial in establishing strong, boundaried relationships.

5. Never Follow the Lead of the Most Relationally Challenged Person

Maintain your integrity and be the best communicator you can be, especially in challenging situations. Avoid badmouthing your in-laws or your spouse, and speak about others with the same respect in their absence as you would in their presence. By focusing on maintaining your character and living a principle-centered approach, you can contribute to healthier in-law relationships over the long run.

In conclusion, your only hope for a healthy relationship is to be your best self, regardless of how others choose to play the game. Keep your character intact and prioritize a principle-centered approach to navigate the complexities of in-law relationships successfully.